|The Law Offices of Scott E. Schwimer Online
|More Lawyer Q&A|
1. What do you get when you cross the Godfather and a lawyer? A: An offer you can't understand
2. How do you get a lawyer out of a tree? A: Cut the rope.
3. How do you stop a lawyer from drowning? A: Shoot him before he hits the water.
4. What is the definition of a shame (as in "that's a shame")? A: When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff.
5. How many lawyers does it take to stop a moving bus? A: Never enough.
6. Have you heard about the lawyer's word processor? A: No matter what font you select, everything comes out in fine print.
7. What's the difference between a porcupine and two lawyers in a Porsche? A: With a porcupine, the pricks are on the outside!
8. What do you buy a friend graduating from Law School? A: A lobotomy. (Friends don't let friends become lawyers).
9. What's the difference between a catfish and a lawyer? A: One's a bottom-dwelling scum sucker and the other's just a fish.
10. Hear about the terrorist that hijacked a 747 full of lawyers? A: He threatened to release one every hour if his demands weren't met.
11. What does a lawyer and a sperm have in common? A: Both have about a one in 3 million chance of becoming a human being.
12. Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses? A: From chasing parked ambulances.
13. Where can you find a good lawyer? A: In the cemetery
14. Why does the American Bar Association prohibit sex between a lawyer and their clients? A: To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.